Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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