I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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