I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
