it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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