Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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