yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
