dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize