Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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