your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
