Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They are going to name an STD after you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize