it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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