Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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