Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
