she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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