I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
