she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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