saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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