i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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