i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
