Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
