Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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