Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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