You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
