I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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