ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
