Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
