there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
