It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
