woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
