It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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