We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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