I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
