So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours