My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.