You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
