walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.