yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
