She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
