you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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