I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
