Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
