Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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