At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
