Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
