You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
