I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
