Soap is not a condiment
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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