My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
