I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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