I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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