It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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