A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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