Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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