Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
