I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i used baking grease as lip gloss
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
