On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
