Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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