he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The uberlube is also flammable
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
