I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm always down for nudity.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
