I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
