just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
