I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
