your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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