I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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