I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
