You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize