Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
