i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
