I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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