I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Found the puke drawer
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
