Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
