but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
